list of things about newborns that other sites won't tell you


Almost all sites I've researched for managing my expectations about newborns discussed how a baby could be perfect. They also listed baby's development regarding motor skills, weight, milestones etc. Yes, those are important but those things don't give moms the survival tips they need. Here's my list from personal experience that I can share to you:

1. Your newborn will sleep but you will not have an idea on when or how long.

As they say, they may sleep up to 17 hours per day but you can't panic like "omg, my baby slept for just 16 hours, there could be something wrong!". I tell you, that's normal. Babies will sleep whenever they want to, as long as they want to, even if it doesn't meet the standards the internet is telling you. Unless your pedia told you to record his/her sleeping pattern, you don't have to do it.

Newborns can take a nap for 30 minutes, which is ideal, but they can also take a nap for, say, a minute. That means before you could even put back yourself together and decide to make a cup of tea, your baby will wake up and cry.

2. Your newborn's sleeping schedule, feeding schedule and attitude will change every week. But one thing will not change, your baby will wake up during midnight to dawn. That means you will never be able to enjoy a good night's sleep again until they learn to sleep through the night. My baby's one year old and she still wakes up at midnight, crying, for some unkown reasons

3. Your newborn's skin is very sensitive. He/she is prone to rashes, pimples and other skin problems. Take care of it to avoid irritants. If milk drips on his/her neck, clean it with moist cotton then pat dry. Use rash cream to prevent diaper rashes. There will be times that the baby will cry just because he/she is irritated with the rashes. Then you get irritated because you've done everything but the baby still cries. If this happens, put soothing cream on the area. I'm using Drapolene and it's effective.

4. Your baby will cry but don't take it too seriously. I mean, you should take it seriously but not too serious. If your baby cries, check if the diaper is wet, if he/she pooped or maybe hungry. If not, try to "entertain" him/her. Your baby may cry for hours BUT one thing's for sure, the crying will eventually stop. If you can't soothe him/her, the baby will soothe on his/her own. As our Pedia said, if the baby can't breathe anymore because of crying, a signal to the brain will be sent out to stop the crying. Remember also that your baby cannot talk so whenever he/she needs something, or if something hurts, it will be communicated through crying. Now, use all the intuition that God gave you to figure out what he/she needs. It will be frustrating but just find comfort in knowing you are not alone. Every hands-on moms experience frustration, anxiety and anger (towards life) so don't think you're alone. Find support group and source of strength.

5. Leave your baby. Yes! Leave the baby to a trusted person (usually, the husband) when you need to take a break.

Your babies will not be babies forever. Soon, they will grow, become independent and leave the house. Cherish all the anguish now, don't worry it's not permanent. And oh, take care of your self. A well-taken-care-of mom can take care of the babies properly.

Here's the greatest tip: Keep your sanity. Don't get mad with the baby, with your self nor with your husband. This, too, shall pass.

Knetina's first picture at home

If breastfeeding is as easy as putting water and scoop of milk into a bottle, formula milk wont be popular. I mean, there are lots of things to keep in mind like food to avoid, clogging, soreness, let out of milk, helping your child to latch, etc. I cant even believe that you actually need to teach a baby to properly latch, shouldn't it be innate? And oh, add the judgmental eyes of the people when you breastfeed in public in the complexities of breastfeeding list.

This is the most informative video I've seen so far: Breastfeeding: Getting a Good Latch Every Time

So here's a list of rants:

1. Latching is crazy - if you do it wrong, your nipple will hurt and your milk supply will slow down. So basically, it's everything. Should it be simple? No. How could a first time mom and a first time human know how to work together and perform that dreaded latch? Even if you watch a hundred videos (like I did), and read a hundred articles and asked a hundred moms, latching can only be performed perfectly by you and your baby. So practice, research and practice proper latching. Just make sure it's a proper latch you're practicing. *wink*

2. You are badly needed. The baby can't literally eat without you. It's not just a romantic fancy quote of boyfriend-girlfriend which says "I can't eat without you...". It's crazy, again. When you're hungry and your baby is, of course, as a mom, you will let your baby eat first. The key is that you have to find time to eat even if it's not yet 12noon for lunch or 7pm for dinner. Just eat. You need food to be able to make food for your baby.

3. The low milk supply and slow milk flow problem. This is my major stress. I feel like I have a low milk supply even if I've been doing everything to boost it - malunggay supplements, soup, massage, etc. The only thing I haven't tried is looking for a lactation consultant. Maybe that's the answer. OR MAYBE I dont really have a low milk supply at all. During the first month I got depressed thinking of my milk supply but then after a while I learned to let it go. If I think baby is hungry because he cannot get enough milk from me, I give him formula milk and we're done - he sleeps, I'm not stressed. I know, breast milk advocates will be like "why give him formula milk?". For me, it works. What's the total fret about formula milk? My first baby was breastfed only a month and the rest was formula milk in a bottle and she grew up just fine, perfect and healthy. BUT I still want to give the best for my baby now that I know the benefits of breastfeeding so, as the baby's pedia advised, I pumped milk so that when he gets fussy because the flow is too slow, I can give him the expressed milk.

4. There are lots of things to be considered that needs much attention. Before, when women are expected only to look over the child and are not involved in corporate lives, they can pay attention to these breastfeeding details. Today is different, I want to work and earn money and I need to breastfeed. So there's mastisis, breast engorgement, breast milk life span after expressing, breastfeeding position, hunger cues, etc. It's a lot to take so I took it one step at a time.

My baby and I are still trying to get the hang of our breastfeeding journey. Now I know why it's called a journey. You learn things all through out and you grow together. Will I recommend breastfeeding? Absolutely, Yes.

Here's a picture of my breastfed baby

1. Watching over your baby's "schedule"

Babies, especially the first year of life, have only one schedule: an erratic schedule. There's no point in trying to stick with it or even looking over it. There's no such thing as "at 8 o'clock he will fall asleep and at 10 he will wake up... then poop at 11:15...eat at 11:30...". Newborns will sleep when they want to, as long as they want to, even if it's freaking noisy in the room. Don't think that they will sleep at the time they slept yesterday. They will also cry and poop whenever they want to, and that's not in a schedule. What moms need to do is just attend to what the babies need for the moment. When time comes, around 6 months (3 months if you're lucky) their schedule will be predictable.


2. Dying to get your pre-pregnancy body.

Your pre-pregnancy body aka the good old days will remain a hallucination right after your delivery. Your tummy will be saggy and ridiculously big as if you're still preggy. But you cannot do your exercises yet because you're body is still recovering after delivery. Give your self some time. Accept that you have this ugly tummy for now but then after a year or two you can regain your body back. Patience is a virtue. For the mean time what you can do is wear a waist trimmer or girdle tightly (so tight that you could almost forget to breath) all throughout the day and even at night. This will help your muscles in the stomach regain it's tone and shrink eventually.


3. Prioritizing your baby 24/7

Who said you should attend to the monster every second of your life? Yes. You've read it right. You don't have to be there with the baby always. You need time for your self. Go on and take a bath, brush your teeth, savor your food. Just make sure to leave your baby safe or to someone else while you're doing that. Don't be guilty when you need to make that morning or evening routine. Babies can wait and that doesn't mean you love them less. If you forget to take care of your self you will be irritated and in turn you may channel the negative energy to the baby. A happy mom has a happy baby so take care of your self and be happy.

4. Worrying too much

Watching your baby sleep that you lost your sleeping time? Worried that the baby is not getting enough of your milk or wasn't able to burp? New moms worry too much about everything. Babies can survive in hostile environment. I mean, 2000 BC ago, there wasn't crib to put your baby to sleep, no formula milk, not even comfy clothes! Watch over your baby but do not exaggerate your worries. Just make sure he/she is sleeping safe, nothing that will cover the nose or else the baby can't breath. Burping a baby doesn't mean that you have to hear the burp sound. Just hold the baby upright for a maximum of 10 minutes then you can put him/her down. Milk coming out of the mouth and nose is normal as long as it's not in a form of vomit. You know vomit? It's when your stomach is forcing for food to go out of your mouth, that's not a good thing for babies. When you worry too much or panic, your judgement will be clouded. If something happens, monitor and analyze properly the situation then consult your pedia as necessary.

5. Putting your baby to sleep
Yup, you've read it right. Don't put baby to sleep. "Putting" baby to sleep means you try desperately to swing him/her to make him/her drowsy, thinking that it'll eventually lead to sleep. What I learned from my two babies (a one year old and one month-old) is that when they're really sleepy, they will eventually sleep, no matter how noisy the surrounding is. There could be some crying especially if they're over-tired but then they will sleep right away after a few attempt to soothe him/her. Usually when my toddler cries because she's sleepy, we'll just have to put her to bed, tap her bum and sing some songs, then she'll knock her self to sleep right away. For my newborn, I will just let him stay in bed and stare at the ceiling at midnight without any attempt to put him to sleep. I don't force him to sleep just because it's sleeping time. No, newborns don't know that 12 midnight is a sleeping time. If he gets sleepy, I will just carry him because, usually, babies need an assurance of safety before going to safe and there's no better place to find it than in your arms.

Remember: if babies are sleepy, they will sleep no matter what.

To avoid depression that you're baby's so fussy and sleepy but doesn't want to go to sleep, guide him/her to sleep when he or she is tired. This will make sure that he/she won't be over tired. This is tricky, sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don't. You just have to practice, trial and error would do, don't worry, if he/she cries, eventually he/she will stop crying, that's their nature.


This will be a good read for expectant and new moms: http://www.smartparenting.com.ph/pregnancy/labor-and-childbirth/life-after-giving-birth-expectations-vs-reality-lfrm

Dear Knetina,

When you got your first vaccine on your 6th week of life, you were terribly crying all throughout the day until night. I questioned everyone in the world on why did they allow these practices to continue. Babies don't deserve such pain. I wanted to take away all the hurt you were feeling but then I realized that there are things in life that you should face on your own. There are fights that you should win alone, with your own strength. There will be a lot of pain when you grow up but remember that Momma and Poppa will always be here to help you. When we're gone, I hope you use our teachings as armor in this battlefield. I hope you grow strong physically and especially spiritually. Just as how I endured my labor with you, I want you to hold on tight to God on your most painful experiences in life.

Love,

Mudra

On the first year of my first baby's life, she caught 4 major colds. Major colds for me means that she had slight difficulty in breathing, lacked appetite and the cold led to cough. What I'm sharing with you is real life experience and info from our pediatrician. Every time the cold turns out to be out-of-control, we immediately seek pedia's advice because, just because, I panic.

Major cause of colds
The major cause of colds as what the pediatrician said, and according to my observation also, is having contact with someone who has cold. So if your baby's parents (yes you!) have colds, your baby has a 99% chance to have colds too. If you notice slightest symptoms of colds, the best thing to do is to drink medicine immediately. There are over the counter medicines such as Neozep or Decolgen that would ease out your colds immediately. Keep your baby away from relatives that has colds. Just explain to them that the baby will suffer if the colds will be transferred.

• DO NOT kiss your baby on the face as you may transfer virus without knowing it.
• DO NOT give your baby to any relative that has colds.
• DO NOT let your baby play with his/her brother/sister, cousins, playmates or neighbors that has colds.

Relief

You cannot force the cold virus to go away immediately because that's not its nature. Additionally, your baby's immune system is still developing that's why colds will usually last for two (2) weeks. This timeline includes your baby's improvement in breathing and mucus secretion. These are the things that helps in making the baby feel better:

1. Using nasal spray and rubber suction
Nasal spray helps the mucus in your baby's nose to loosen up and would also make your baby's breathing easier because of unblocking the mucus. However, it should be used in moderation with a maximum of two times daily. This is because the spray can irritate and eventually wound the nose lining that will cause more problems.

Around 10 seconds after you sprayed your baby's nose with nasal spray, it is best to use a rubber suction to remove remaining mucus inside the baby's nose. This will definitely make your baby feel better afterwards because the thing that makes his/her breathing difficult will be removed. I have to warn you, though, that babies don't like their noses to be suctioned. They will definitely fight it. Just take the proper timing or distract your baby so you could suction properly.


2. On the first sight of runny nose, give your baby Disudrin BUT on a maximum of 7 days.
Follow the dosage of Disudrin (written on the box and on the bottle). Remember that you could use within 7 Days ONLY. Overusing of this medicine will cause rhinitis to your baby. I suggest that within 7 days, you make the most out of your baby's recovery, suction his/her nose, give lots of water, let her rest, give fruits, and follow this list.


3. Giving your baby lots of water
What can I say more? Water therapy is best for babies and adults too. Give her water every after milk or as often as possible.


4. Let your baby rest
Everybody needs rest when sick, that includes your baby. However, rest doesn't mean your baby doesn't have to play. He/she can still play as long as it's not with somebody who has cough and colds and as long as there will be no physical exhaustion.


5. Do not bath him/her on the first two days of serious colds
This is not our pedia's advice. I even know one doctor that bathes her baby with fever. There's nothing wrong with taking a bath but giving baby a bathtub-break is my rule when my baby is sick. Bathing alone cannot aggravate your baby's colds. What I'm concerned about is the long exposure to water that will lower his/her body temperature and will cause cold virus to spread more. You can still wipe your baby with warm wet cloth anyway.


6. Give your baby fruits with Vitamin C
Vitamin C works wonders. But also make sure that your baby gets a balanced diet to maximize the absorption of Vitamin C. I give my baby a mix of green leafy veggies, mangoes, tomatoes, apples and oranges in a day in addition to milk and some carbs.

The relief I listed is not applicable to your baby if he/she has:

• Temperature higher than 38 C - rush him/her to the pedia immediately.
• Serious difficulty in breathing where he/she cries for hours because she cannot breath - rush to pedia immediately.
• Mucus in nose has blood - rush to pedia immediately
• Coughing blood - rush to pedia immediately

An example of a bulb syringe to suck out mucus from nose

Image from http://i5.walmartimages.com/dfw/dce07b8c-6d81/k2-_10ad3f44-f3d1-4a4b-8ed9-68eee3d4221c.v1.jpg

For new moms like me, there are some newbie mistakes that we make. When I first learned that I'll be having a baby girl, I got so excited like a little girl waiting for her doll. I browsed the net for possible clothes to buy. I've bought some, around 1% of the overall clothes I put in my wishlist, and disregarded most. Here's a list of my personal insights when buying clothes for your little ones:

1. Choose comfort over style

• In my experience, always go for clothes made in COTTON. It is soft and gentle on my babies' skin.
• If I buy clothes with mixed fabric, I still choose cotton as the main fabric. Fancy dresses are no-no's if they are made of heat-inducing materials.
• I tried to buy this beautiful cheap dress without thinking if my baby would like its "feel". The result is that everytime I put the dress on, she freaks out like there's something disturbing her. The dress ended up as a display in our closet.

2. Buy size 2-3 months advanced than the current size of your baby.

• This goes to shoes also. Babies' feet are rapidly growing that's why it's good to buy shoes with size allowance. Make sure that they can still use the shoes even with extra space.
• When my baby will about to turn 6 months, I bought a cutie sleeveless top with bow on it having  a size for 6-month old babies. When my baby tried it on, it doesn't fit her and she freaked out that's why it also ended up as a display (and waste of money) in my closet.
• This formula worked well to me:
• If your baby is newborn, you may buy clothes for Newborn (NB) - 3 months.
• If baby is greater than 3 months old, buy clothes 2-3 months bigger than her size. For example, for 6-month old babies you may already buy clothes in 9-12 months category.
• If the clothes are too big now, don't worry there will come a time that it will fit already (very very soon).

3. Don't buy too much nor too few clothes 

• First of all, your newborns don't need to go out more often to avoid viruses that's why they won't need too many fancy clothes.
• Second, newborns until infancy up to toddler years, your baby will wee, spit out, vomit, get wet and get dirty a lot so make sure you just have enough clothes.
• During their 6 months onward, I found the need to buy additional going-out clothes because I tend to bring the baby out more often already.

I think that's all I can think for now. I will update this list if ever I remember something. Post a comment if you think I missed something. Back to baby sitting duties now!

Dress we bought for baby's 1st bday party

from http://zuribabycouture.ph/collections/tutu-set/products/good-as-gold

Expecting a baby? It's not just all fun, there will be more frustration than happiness.

The pain doesn't stop after delivery
I had a normal delivery/ natural birth with my 6-lb baby after 24 hours of painful labor. The delivery was painful too but not as intense as a day-long suffering. I thought all the pain in the world I experienced from conception will disappear in a flash after that.  What other moms don't tell you is that the pain will continue for some time after giving birth. You will feel the laceration on your vagina, your stomach will ache every now and then, your back will hurt, you will feel dizzy and you just want to sleep the whole day. It will be difficult to poop, wee, eat and you will always cry. It will be intensely painful.

The longest weeks of my life
The day after going home from the hospital is the start of the longest weeks of my life. I counted each day, each second, and pray that it will go by fast. My day consisted of waking up after a nap (it's not even sleep), attending to the baby's needs, soothing her cries, changing her diaper, entertaining her and massaging her. I could barely escape from her to take care of my self. Brushing my teeth and taking a bath would be a marathon.

I was thinking that it would rather be easier if I just went to work so I can escape taking care of this baby. But that will not happen because deep inside I'd rather experience these difficulties than entrust my own child to a complete stranger. I'm on my second week with the baby now. They said that you and your newborn will eventually discover your rhythm. Well, I think we just did. It was a catastrophic rhythm, an unordered chaos.

The strength is from within
I don't know where I'd find all the strength to last the day. I just find comfort in the thought that my child will not be a baby forever. I just have to wait patiently, for how long I do not know, for her to grow up. I know this will forbid me to enjoy this moment but that thought keeps me hopeful. I never felt this incompetent. For years that I've been in corporate life, I've been very tough and proud. But this time I felt like I am out of control and I do not know what I'm doing. I realize clients are easier to please than babies. I also get strength from my ever supportive husband who've been through with me all the way.